dear _____,

dear ____,
this is awfully inconvenient.
and by that i mean totally and perfectly convenient, yet predictably unsure.
you see, i can't get into you. i don't want the disappointment. i don't want to get excited and nothing happen for years at a time.
yes, i know dear _____, i am very calm now. disturbingly calm. but i was startlingly comfortable with him too, the little that i knew about him. and that got me nowhere.
and i haven't done this in a while.
and i have things to do, _____.
i can't drive legally. i can't express my emotions.
i don't have time to fix my hair for you, or get awkward. for some reason those things aren't working.
i am not as pretty as her, so don't get any ideas, ______.
i'm sorry, _____. i have to stop myself before i think of you too often. i just can't.

but i'm probably already starting to.